I am, Clonazepam.

All those who suffer from panic attacks at any time in their life...have a one true companion- Clonazepam. Am i not right? Because, whenever i have a feeling of that impending doom coming, this sweet little tablet is a magic potion. No, dont worry, i am not addicted to it. And i wont! 'coz i know its only for emergencies.

But when you dig a little deeper into yourselves, you realise that this tablet is only temporary. Like acid reflux...you take the medicine to make it go away but unless you find out as to what is causing this reflux, and get it treated, no way in hell will it go away. And for this reason, you need to work at it...your panic attacks, i mean. not the acid thingy..thats not what this blog is about.

Question is, How and What are you supposed to do when one says you gotta work on it (panic disorder)?
I mean, if we knew the answer to that, then there wont be those gazillion pages on the internet on this very topic.

I'll give you the answer to this some day, hopefully soon. I am still working on it myself...

Birthday survival

I woke up on my birthday with a mild but clear enough heart thudding...and my palms were sweating.
The night before, i put my phone on silent and went off to sleep much to the dismay of some of my friends who wanted to wish me at midnight, because i was so scared i will start panicking from all that attention and puke my dinner out. Especially if this guy who is a potential love interest wishes me. (I am terrified to have a boyfriend, i dont know why. It sucks!)

The rest of the day, the panic thing kept threatening me but all throughout i just kept taking deep breaths and assuring myself that i would be fine, that in no way was i going to be in deep shit, that i need to panic.

And trust me, and the end of the day, it was all good. I was anxious, I was nervous, but not once did i panic. My 18th wasnt ruined after all! Just remember: DEEP BREATHING.

Birthday and Panic Attacks

I know..its been really long since i wrote here. College is so busy. And i hate it so much! Girl's colleges suck! All it has is meanness, back bitching and cat fights. I am desperately waiting for these 3 years to get over AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!

Moving on...

Its my Birthday in 2 days and I am going to turn 18! I should be happy, right? I mean, I deserve to be happy! I am an 18 year old who did not do drugs, isnt a boozy and all that.. I am happy and excited and looking forward to it! but remember how i had told you about my bloody panic disorder thing? Yeah, that bitch just wants to ruin my happy moments! Its my birthday in 2 days and all i can worry about is the panic attack that i will be having midnight onward when my friends start calling. God forbid, they land up at my doorstep.

My 16th and my 17th birthday began with panic attacks. I dont know how this one should be different. My therapist said i have nothing to worry about and all that but yeah, i hate the idea of the spotlight being on me, but i love the idea too! There is no "repressed" thought in my mind...i am just anxious and the anticipation is killing me!

I really really want my 18th to be special and happy and a lot of fun! I dont want to ruin it be panicking for no reason...

Its MY  Birthday, and it WILL be a HAPPY birthday. Only I can make it happy, nobody else. And i will make sure that nothing can make these 24 hours that belong to ME, non-happy.